An embellished but otherwise true story.
The clerk asked me the question he asks every customer. “Do you play Monopoly?”
The correct answer was “no.” Every customer said “no.”
I crinkled my eyes to try to express cheerfulness and said, “Sure!”
Shock overtook the cashier’s eyes, and I’m sure his mouth was gaping under his mask. No one ever said they wanted Monopoly tickets. Bravely, he motioned to Customer Service and said, “Let me go get some.”
Too late, I realized what trouble I had caused. “Oh, no. Don’t worry about it.”
“Are you sure?”
He had tickets in his register. “Well, just give me some.”
He handed me a stack of tickets wrapped in a rubber band. I stared as he said, “This is 100…”
“What?”
My receipt read that I was entitled to 228 tickets. I’d spent mid-double-digits on groceries for that bounty.
The clerk seemed eager to get me more tickets. Only when I explained how much trouble it is to tear them open did he finally relent and let me go with just the 100 tickets.
If you were curious, I got 52 coupons and 48 codes to be scanned into the app. The coupons included 2 Redbox codes for a free night’s rental, another $1 off code for Redbox, and coupons for a free 5-count twin blade disposable razor, a Signature Farms Cafe Bowl (what is that?!), a loaf of French bread, a seasoning mix, and 2 16.9-ounce bottles of water. I also got several Shutterfly coupons (you have to pay processing and handling) and a bunch of 50-cent-off coupons, mostly for products I don’t plan to use. The codes translated to $6 in “cash” to be credited to my next purchase, 3 16.9-ounce bottles of water, an 8-ounce container of sour cream, a 5.3-ounce container of Greek yogurt, a 700 ML or 23.7 ounce bottle of Smartwater, a 7-ounce box of Nabisco Ritz Cheese Crispers Crackers, a 12-16-ounce package of pasta, a Shutterfly cotton tote, 4 Shutterfly 8×10 prints, and 2 Shutterfly 8×8 books.
I guess if I’d taken all 228 tickets, I’d probably be a millionaire by now. Or maybe I’d have hands covered in papercuts from tearing them all open. Who’s to say?
